For Now, I Will Leave You With This...

 Dear Mom, I hope you are reading this somewhere and heard me whisper "Happy Birthday, Mom" to you today. We are alike in that neither of us is a big birthday person, but nonetheless, it's nice to hear it. I am mostly secure with the idea that your soul is at rest, that you are content, that you are whole, that you are your most perfect self.   I wish I could say the same for me.  All the anniversaries related to you and dad continue to have profound of effect on all of us. No wonder I fall into a spring funk every year. Thankfully, these day aren't nearly as crushing as they were in the first years after you left. Those were super hard times, but given that I had a young, active family to attend to, I didn't have the time dwell.  I had to keep going.  I wonder now if I actually properly grieved your loss?  And how would I know if I did?  There isn't a standard rule book for Mother Grieving that gives a line item punch list.   Mom, I think it might be time for

Oh, Spring Break, that hope you bring, arriving in the nick of time. Permissions granted, reserving critique, for closet cleaning and Tea Cup rides. As for me and mine, we will relax in chairs, eating delicacies from the sea.  Unwinding, unplugging, and all the other 'un-ings' yet to be revealed unto thee. So thank you, Old Pal, for what you provide, replenishing our bodies and brains.   You'll pass through too quickly, as you always do, but leaving behind your grace.

     Pro Tip: If you think even for a minute that you might need to apologize, you probably do and should. Today I had to do just that.       Over the past two years I have had the pleasure of working closely with a pretty amazing person. When I say closely, I mean that literally. Our relationship began as a result of logistics. Though we do not share the same job responsibilities, we were both in need of office space and got thrown together in a less-than-perfect arrangement. It’s a little cozy.  She works with kids and I mainly work with teachers, but we both are overly passionate about of our love of literacy, especially when it comes to instruction and how it impacts kids. I can’t think of a time that we weren’t aligned in our thinking or interested in hearing more. Our professional, courteous relationship quickly evolved into that of  trusted colleagues. She’s is someone who I can absolutely bounce off ideas without judgement and who I rely on to give me critical, honest feedback.

 Whew!  That was a close one.  I am happy to report that I am swiftly emerging from my 3 day funk due in part to this little piece of pumpkin pie. Today we get to celebrate the birth of Blayne August Boler, lover of superheroes, dinosaurs, and fruit snacks.   I am not sure that there are enough words to express just how much I love this little guy, but let me go ahead and try.        Born big and squishy, there were no telltale signs of the rough go he would have in infancy. His even-tempered behavior slowly evolved into inconsolable fussiness from what was later determined to be from constant, heartbreaking pain. We tried, but could not provide, the comfort he was desperately seeking. Finally, the months and months of unrelenting torment abruptly came to a halt as a result of a relatively simple surgical procedure.        What was that moment like for him when he woke up no longer in pain? Did he feel a sense of gratitude somewhere deep in his baby brain? Scientists believe that babie

I'm a Enneagram 6w7 .  If you know anything about us 6w7's we are a loyal bunch, a responsible bunch, but also a beat-ourselves-up-for-perceived-failures bunch.  We love the idea of a long-term commitment, but are fearful that we won't measure up and take it hard when we don't. This was my story for most of life.  Many of the choices I made were so people pleasing in nature, that they were a detriment to my own well being. Like bad. Everyone was served, but me.  Barf.  Well a few years back, I changed my thinking on all that nonsense.  I can't explain it, but one day I woke up different. It was as if a switch was flipped and I could feel it deep within my bones that my worth no longer depended the values of others. I didn't have to agree with what others had decided was the measure of success or failure. Who got to write that score card anyway? Who were these people that I was desperately aiming to please? Not one single name comes to mind.  Fast forward to this

Today was not my favorite day. The End Hold up. The aforementioned comment is not true and me acting like a big baby.  A tired big baby, but still.  So let me start again... Today was a super challenging day filled with disappointment and self-doubt.  But thanks to the perfectly placed tribe that surrounds me, I ended the day grateful and content.  👍That final conversation with a principal colleague  trusting and supporting my work. 💬A simple Voxer debrief with my team who listened without judgement and offered words of encouragement. 📓A once-in-lifetime, magical live Zoom meeting with my all-time favorite author Kate DiCamillo who inspired me in ways that deserve to be documented in its own post. 🍷A glass of wine and a belly full of laughter shared with my dearest friend who doesn’t think it’s even a little bit weird that come over in my pajama bottoms and slippers.  ❤️And finally, my supportive spouse who knows I need, accepts me for exactly who I am, and holds my hand to pray wi